It’s almost the end of my first college year and God there are many things happened! First of all I got the courage to ask Max about Rebecca. He didn’t want to talk about her but when he saw how desperate I am he told me the whole story. “Do you want to know the whole story?” He asked. “Well then listen. Rebecca is not what everyone think of her. She is mean, manipulative and only cares about other people’s opinion. During our relationship I spent most of my time taking pictures about her for her stupid Instagram. We barely talked with one another and she only cared about her followers. After four month I told her I want to break up but she threatened me that if I did that she would tell everyone that I sexually harassed her! Me? Can you believe it? I was junior, I didn’t know what to do. That accusation even though it was false would get into my file and no company would interviewed me. I was scared so I didn’t do anything. You should have seen her face when she saw she won. I’ve never seen her like that before, that triumph in her face scared me and I knew I had to get rid of her as soon as possible. So I went to the Study Abroad Office to ask about internships and exchange programs. They told me there is one in Hungary that would start three month later so I signed her in. It was impressive how many things money could solve. I tried to survive the following three month and luckily at her Good Bye “surprise” party she publicly broke up with me. It was a big scene exactly how she wanted, but I didn’t care anymore I just wanted her to leave forever. After that I swore that I would not have another girl like her in my life. I only concentrated for my education until I saw you. You were so sweet sitting in the classroom and listening what the prof was saying. You were so innocent and I loved that, you weren’t seeking attention in fact, you were so scared when I first asked your name. I instantly felt something towards you. You changed my whole life. You gave my hope back.” I know. I was just as shocked as you guys are. I didn’t understand either but the way Max looked at me, while he was talking, I knew he spoke the truth. After this conversation we spent the night together and after so long I was actually happy and calm. Why didn’t I ask him before? What did I was afraid of? It didn’t matter anymore. He said I changed his life. Not Rebecca, not his parents, not even that big offer that he got a few weeks earlier, me. I changed his life. I was so happy. I didn’t care about the girls, who tried to flirt with my boyfriend, anymore because they didn’t know him. I knew him, I still do. Now that I know the truth about Rebecca, I can finally be free from my own anxiety and live my life a little. Also I unfollowed her. I don’t want to see her lies anymore. Oh and the other thing I wanted to tell you guys: I finally found my major for next year. Not only a major but also a minor and I can’t wait to start both of them. My major is Communication and my minor is Psychology. Can you guess why?
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This week Max and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary and I couldn’t be happier!
Oh who am I lying to? The past month we barely spent time with each other and it was miserable. I couldn’t focus in classes, I kept thinking about what Max was doing and who was with him. Since I found out about Rebecca, I wasn’t sure about my place. I was constantly worrying when he would leave me for one of the girls who talked with him at the parties. I was so stressed about his happiness and his satisfaction with me, that I couldn’t eat anything. I kept looking Rebecca’s Instagram, see if I found something that wan't perfect, but nothing. One time Max asked me if I had any problems that he could help me with but I was very scared to ask about Rebecca. So I said to him something about my grades worrying me and selecting my major was really stressful. I've never talked with anyone about Rebecca. I don’t want people to find out my concerns. I want to show the world that everything is perfect, Max and I are very happy and that no one should worry about anything. Inside though, I am constantly anxious that I am not enough. My grades are not good enough, my social skills are not good enough, I am not good enough for the love of my life. I am captivated in my own mind and I don't now how to escape. This feeling is slowly killing me. I can't let anyone know about this, especially Max. He can’t find out. I want to see him happy and I don't want him to worry about me. I am scared that if he finds out all of this he will leave me and I won’t survive that. Let’s keep this as a secret! Well a couple months had been past since my last post but as I said in the beginning I don’t really live an interesting life.
Max and I are pretty well, we are still spending most of our time together. But sometimes he's really occupied. I understand, he is a Senior and he has to think about his future but I am still sad when he is not with me. I, on the other side, still don’t know what to choose as my major and the first semester is almost over. I really love my classes except math. That just doesn’t want to work for me. The Sorority parties are starting to get more enjoyable for me. Maybe because I changed a little or because I got used to it, I don’t know. The "Girlfriends" were still looking at me in a weird way that I didn’t understand until Frank explained to me. It’s because Max’s ex, Rebecca, is one their best friends. At first I didn’t understand why would anyone be jealous of me and I asked Frank. He started laughing so hard and told me “Oh don’t be so silly my dear, they are not jealous of you. They just want to know what he likes about you. I mean it is understandable after Rebbeca, a girl like you comes and it's confusing.Don't take it personally but you don't look like Rebecca at all.” I was really curious about Rebecca. I wanted to know who was Max’s ex. So I looked at her Instagram for some answers. I didn’t want to ask anyone because that would be so shameful. Everyone would ask why would I want to know these thing but I don’t want to deal with people. I found what I was looking for and OMG that girl is amazing. I figured out that she is in Europe in an exchange program and she is beautiful, tall, charming and everyone loves her. I mean, she has so many followers and all of the comments are so nice. She is eating healthy, has been so many beautiful places and she is so thin. I was devastated. How can a girl like me ever win over a girl like her? I mean if you guys would look my Instagram you would understand. Totally different lives. But that’s the good thing about the web, you guys can’t see me, and I like that. Anyways back to Rebecca. That girl is like Max but his female version. She is a Junior here at Wallington. She is part of the Student Council, she is a cheerleader and she has a full scholarship. I don’t think that she needs a full scholarship because she looks quite rich to me from her pictures. Not only beautiful but also smart. Yay! Now that I know who is Max’s ex, I am more concerned about our relationship. Why me? I am a no one. I love Max more than I can possibly say and I am the luckiest girl on Earth that he chose me but why would he ever break up with her. It must be him, who broke up with Rebecca because that’s the only way that makes sense… Hello everyone!
Well let’s start this shall we? I met a guy… I know it is hard to believe but miracles can happen sometimes. Well he’s name is Max and he is a Senior here at Wallington. He is tall and has short brown hair which every time I see him it looks perfect. He has an oval shaped head and beautiful nut colored eyes. He studies business and he is in the top ten percent of his class. He is really smart and funny. He is a real gentleman with everyone and since I met him I’ve never seen him uncomfortable or frustrated. He is always very calm and gentle. His family is really wealthy and they are living four hours away from our College. He has two sibling: a brother and a sister. Both of them are already graduated and very successful. Max is also the head of the oldest Boy Sorority, Alpha Delta Zeta, at the campus and everyone likes him. He has so many friends. And how did we meet you ask? Well we are sitting next to each other in Psych class. On the first day of actual studying he asked my name and asked what time was it. I told him both and that’s how we started our conversation. We talked about our classes and which one we like and the others that we don’t. The next class he asked about me and my life. It wasn’t a long conversation. I told him that I don’t live a very interesting life but he didn’t believe me. He told me I look like someone who knows how to live a good life. I was blushing so hard. To change subject, I quickly asked about him and he told me the same. I didn’t believe him so that afternoon I searched him on Instagram. And he’s saying he is not living an interesting life? He visited so many interesting countries and talked so many people. He is only twenty four years old and already accomplished so much more than I ever will. After I found out what kind of life he was living I got really scared. I couldn’t figure it out how could man like him find interesting someone like me? I am a no one. The furthest I’ve been in my life was Canada. I’ve never answered this question and believe me when I say I am to most shocked out of all of us who read this when I say: We are officially a couple from last week! Yes it is true. I still can’t believe it. I thought he was joking when he asked me out. Day after day we spent more time together and started to get to know each other deeply. He told me, he never had someone like me who listens to him, but I think he was lying. I mean, I am sure he had many girlfriends before me and I don’t understand how could I listen differently than anyone else. But I don’t really ask questions, I mean unimportant questions. I don’t want to annoy him. I’ve never been in a relationship before, if you couldn’t figure it out yet, so I don’t really know what I am doing. We usually hang out with his friends or going to a Boys Sorority party, where he makes sure that everyone is safe. I don’t really like those parties because I am usually alone or with the other "Girlfriends". I try to talked with them but somehow they are always talk about someone who I don’t know. They also look at me as I did something wrong but I can't figure it out what. Other than this, I can’t really tell anything else. My grades are good, I like my classes. I made one friend, his name is Frank, and he is very nice. He studies psychology and he is really good at it. We met in our Freshman English class. He heard when I made a quiet comment about one of our classmates behavior towards the professor and he giggled. Since then we are friends. Now I have to go write my essay about the French Revolution for my History class and then Max and I are going to a new sushi place not far from here. I don’t know if I like sushi but everything has it’s time. Hello everyone who is reading!
I’ve never thought about writing my personal life out here but here we are. New year. New start. New me. Who would have thought that I made to college right? Well I am here. First week of freshmen year here at Wallington University. Well let's start the story shall we? I arrived on Saturday to the campus and moved in my dorm, Mandeley Hall. I had an okay room I guess, white walls, a bed, a desk and a closet, nothing special, just like me. I didn’t need a lot of time to unpack. I only had a small suit case. I was nervous about the other people who came to this school. It is a small school, I knew that I chose this school because of that, but still it was very frightening for me to get to know new people. I was waiting for my roommate to come but instead my RA came. She said hi to me and introduced herself. She also told me not to wait for my roommate because I don’t have one. I was shocked because I just talked with my roommate, Casey, and we discussed how excited we were to finally come here. I asked my RA about Casey but she said that Casey unfortunately won’t join to our community. I didn’t understand but I didn’t ask anything else, I saw on her that she was uncomfortable and I didn’t want to bother her with my questions. At night that same day we had a “Getting to know” event with every freshmen invited so I went there, hoping that I will find some friends. We were around four hundred of us but for me it was a big crowd. I’ve never been a big social person and I’ve never been good at making friends. In the internet it was so much easier to talk with Casey, it wasn’t face to face, but at the event I had to talk out loud and look at the eyes of other people. I was so nervous that I almost didn’t go. But I wanted to have friends. For the first time in my life I wanted to have friends. So I went. I tried my best to be happy and interesting but it didn’t work. Most of the students tried to find other students from their major, but I went as an “Undecided” so when I told I didn't have a major yet they looked at me as I was crazy and then moved away from me, not asking any other questions. I didn’t know what to do. At the end of the meeting I went home without any friends. The first day of classes was great. I really enjoyed it because I had so many interesting classes in my schedule. On Monday we went through all of our classes, just to get to know the professors and to see where was which class. I didn’t really had a big freedom to choose what I want to study in the first year because I am just a freshman but I’ve got to choose one elective for this semester and that is “Introducing to Psychology”. I am really excited about that class. As the week went by I started to settle in to my daily routine. Now I am excited to dive into interesting topics that we are going to study. Sadly my “Friend Project” how I call is not really going in the tempo I wanted. I imagined that for now I have a bunch of friends but the sad truth is I have non. I wrote to Casey to ask what happened but she didn’t write me back yet. I hope she is fine and she will write me back. That’s was my first blog of my life. I hope you, who read it, liked it and will follow my journey. I am not promising that I will write every single day because, let’s be honest, my life is not that interesting. See you next time! |
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